This Morning On My FaceBook News Feed…

This Morning On My FaceBook News Feed

Sister Mary is at the top of the feed with this:

The final player to wear a single-digit number for the Yankees, Jeter spoke with “Today’s” Matt Lauer less than 24 hours after he played his last game at the…
  • She titled this navel gazing love-fest with: “He’s the best.”
    As a die-hard, cry-hard Red Sox fan, I wanted to throttle my screen and yell, “Why? Did he find a cure for cancer? Did he stop a meteorite from smashing into a daycare? Has he figured out a way to stop global warming?”
    But before I could dash off something really snarky like, “Yeah, sister, look at his stats and the team performance for 2014…the only reason they weren’t in LAST place was because of the the wretched Red Sox (you’re welcome).
    But I couldn’t write any of that, because of the my darling nieces (twins, Naval Academy, so proud of them, won’t burst their bubble):
    Niece Jane and Niece Susan like this.
  •  Why do they like something like The Yankees? Because they can’t help that they were born into a Yankee-loving family. I don’t blame them for that. I blame my sister Mary for jumping teams. She used to be a Red Sox fan! But she moved to Connecticut and poof! All of a sudden she’s wearing pinstripes!
    I kept my cool even when Niece Susan piled on.
    Niece SusanWhat a class act!
    But when Sister Mary decided to message me (translate: HARASS) to Like and Post Clever Things about the splediferous glory of Derek Jeter-after, note this insult to injury-she commanded me to sit through a clap-trap, vomit inducing interview where he Explains His Spotless Reputation. Pardon me while I just…BLEUURRRRRGH!
     I was in a bit of a pickle. I don’t like to behave badly toward my nieces but I wanted to send a gentle, subtle reminder to my dear sister that I really can’t take the D-bag Jeter love-fest. That I found the entire 2014 Yankees season an over-the-top farewell tour to a great player who’s best days were behind him and he should have been riding the pine for the year instead of popping out and bumbling infield plays.
    “Sour Grapes!” You say? Yes, you’re right. The Red Sox sucked worse than Jeter in 2014 and I just can’t muster any fake r2spect for #2.
    Sheesh, does anyone else get that? He’s Number 2!
    This is my best ripost to Sister Mary’s  demands. I believe it is in the spirit of what she asked and certainly in the spirit of what Mr. Jeter clearly believes of himself.
  •  Me: Stay Majestic Derek Jeter
    Elizabeth Sweetman's photo.
  •  Me:  For you are nearly as legendary and mythical as a Merman
    Elizabeth Sweetman's photo.
  •  Me: Men don’t just admire you, they want to BE you
    Elizabeth Sweetman's photo.
  • Niece Susanplease stop mocking my future husband
    Uh oh, I think she’s onto me… but I can’t stop now…must bring it home!
  •  Me:  Common men can no longer wear mala beads because you have shamed us with your how you perfectly display them on your manly chest
    Elizabeth Sweetman's photo.
  •  Me:  Thank you for all you have given us during your brief stay on our planet
    Elizabeth Sweetman's photo.
  •  Me: This is how we feel with you gone…but we will remember your awesome message to all of us mortals: “No one will ever be as amazing as me”
    Elizabeth Sweetman's photo.
  • Sister Mary: Most excellent tribute to Jeter, Elizabeth, your sincerity is undeniable. Derek says thank you!
  • Elizabeth Sweetman
    Me: You are most sincerely welcome.

About EF Sweetman

writing, reading, pretty much everything noir
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s