MY ADVENTUROUS BIKE RIDE by E. F. Sweetman @EFSweetman
A quick bike ride after the ball game with the unexpected eye-candy of naked (and drunk) guy lying at the end of Washington Street
“Dude! Put on your pants!” were my words of encouragement as, you see, his soaked jeans were somewhere in the vicinity of his his bare bum.
A bleary-eyed stare from two eyes on the head; couldn’t see the one-eyed monster as he had tucked his naughty bits between his hairy thighs.
Tutting and clacking citizens gave this bare fellow a wide berth. I queried for his health with a chorus bark of “Drunk!” for their reply.
Sirens and squealing tires as Beverly’s finest arrived on the scene. Our naked Drunk! fellow groaned. I think he recognized that sound.
Two burley officers marched upon the unfortunate boozy buffer. Their abrupt queries were received with a complete surrender–all was exposed
The crowd gasped or guffawed, a few did both, mothers shielded children’s eyes as burly officers hoisted up the young starker by his armpits
“Cover up!” ordered the bald officer (who never looked more like a human penis than at that moment) “No point to that anymore!” yelled a man
Unceremoniously dumped into the squad car, our eyes were spared any further assault of the naked man. He gave a friendly wave from inside.
“This is why you shouldn’t drink beeeyah!” scolded a weathered mom of a fat young man on a Razor scooter. The buzzing crowd dispersed
That is how I survived a terrifying encounter with a drunk, naked man at the end of Washington Street. I pedaled home & hugged my children.
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from Beverly, MA
6:35 PM – 27 May 12 via web · Details