Steroids + Shopping = Very Bad Results

My summer vacation is winding down and it’s been a great summer. Lots of action and fun. Most of the action has been of the natural disaster variety–really. Since January we’ve had blizzards, flooding, tornadoes, an earth quake and a tropical storm with major flooding. Despite all that, it’s been beautiful here. We haven’t had a drought or a tsunami–two very good reasons to be cheerful
Personally it’s been a real adventure. I’m happy to report that I am 100% Non-Rabid thanks to completing the series of rabies vaccinations. Now I can hug and kiss rats and bats. Those things are not on the To-Do list but now that I’m non-rabid, it’s nice to know hugging and kissing rats and bats can be a consideration if my list is ever wanting. Thankfully the list not wanting.
One of my late summer/early fall rituals is to weed through my closet and drawers for clothes and things I no longer want or wear. This year I have quite a pile of articles that you typically wouldn’t see in my heap of cast-offs because they are quite clearly things that never, ever would have landed in my closet unless I was on something. My usual clothing palette runs the exciting gamut of white, tan, black gray and blue jeans. If I have prints, they are stamped on a tee shirt and are mostly nondescript and inoffensive.
Well this summer I was on SOMETHING all right: Prednisone! What fun! It certainly made me feel jittery and edgy. My husband and my younger son say I talked a lot–especially in the car. I didn’t sleep for about a week. Those were all expected side effect but I had no idea how it completely altered my ability to walk away from a fashion horror until my end-of-summer ritual.
I was drawn to bright things with busy patterns and colors that said, POW!!!. I’m guessing they made me feel powerful. If it was on sale or marked-down I felt tremendous anxiety if I didn’t buy it. I could not walk away if it was marked down. I’m still not sure why prednisone compelled me to drive to discount fashion chains but I’m still sorting it all out.
Here are the highlights my purchases. I think I should put them on e bay because it would be cruel punishment to inflict them on people who may have no choice about what they wear.

Flowered pink long shorts that are usually seen on toddlers or adults who can't dress themselves.


Think of a golfer who can't dress herself. Not only are they a hideous plaid, they're a fire retardant nylon blend.


Evidently I couldn’t have a dull top if I was going to be wearing really colorful long shorts and capris. Crazy bottoms call for a crazy top, right?

It's actually brighter in real life.


And let’s not forget the weather, right? It’s been a wild weather year so why not add a colorful raincoat to brighten a gloomy, wet day? It made perfect sense to me at the time.

This is a bright pink with light pink dots rain coat that looks exactly like a crazy-cat-lady bathrobe.


Finally…the feet. Hey, if there’s a party goin’ on at the top, the feet have to be goin’ on too, right? Right? Now before I show you what I thought was a great idea for my summer foot attire, let me preface with I’m a runner and it’s really important to me to have the right running shoes–particularly shoes that will protect my feet and improve the running experience. Only an irresponsible person would buy a pair of running shoes because they were bright and shiny. That’s right…Bright and Shiny

These shiny silver heels are what caught my eye...


And evidently once I got a look at them from above, I couldn't live without them


These running shoes are a brand and style that I never, ever wear. I am dumbfounded that I actually bought them but I really believe it was the shiny heels and the “final mark down” price tag that meant I own them for good.
All of my prednisone purchases were on the “final mark down” rack which made me very happy at the time of the sale. I felt like I was getting away with robbery. Now I can clearly see I was committing the far more egregious crime of assaulting the general public’s vision if I capered around in any of those get-ups. Especially those shiny shoes–yikes.

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About EF Sweetman

bees, baseball, beverly, ma, culture, manners, society, writing
This entry was posted in blogging, cautionary tales, Fashion, humor, Observations, vacation, writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Steroids + Shopping = Very Bad Results

  1. TheIdiotSpeaketh says:

    Those running shoes are KILLER! I would have worn those back in my running days…. you have to keep them! The few times I have had Prednisone,….my face ballooned up like a beach ball…..can’t say I had an urge to go shopping in that time……. must be a BAAAAAWWWWWSTUUUUNNNN thing…… 🙂

    • sweetman says:

      I’ll keep them to illuminate the house–no make that the district if we lose power. Actually I might hang onto them for Halloween. I have no idea where the shopping mania came from! Do you really think it’s a regional thing? Thanks Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhk!

    • sweetman says:

      Ummmmm, wait a second….it’s just sinking in…YOU ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE PUT THESE ON YOUR FEET????

      • TheIdiotSpeaketh says:

        That’s how I roll…… get em looking at your feet….and then leave em in the dust as you run past them….. then they face the humiliation of getting toasted by the carrot top with the funky shoes…… do you not know the Psychology of Running? Must be an Oregon thing I guess….. 🙂

      • sweetman says:

        Ah ha! You just gave me the key to the kingdom–now I know the secret of success for those Oregon runners!

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