Mail for Fido

Mail for Fido

Keeping a blog has been one of my life’s great learning experiences. When I think I’ve tapped into something that may pique interest in potential followers, I get nothing. When I blab about something I think is trivial and silly, I get a ton of readers and responses. What have I learned? I am completely out of touch with what many people care about.

Yesterday I wrote about how silly people have become about their dogs. My feelings are pretty clear, I really have no respect for people who elevate the importance of their pet over a close friendship or family. I qualified it with a couple of phrases like, “I respect how they feel…” but it’s clear I really don’t.

It’s not like this is a burning topic in my head, I’ve just noticed a cultural shift that has forced an increased tolerance for dogs and their owners–they come just about everywhere as a package deal whether it’s appropriate or not.

Of greatest interest to me is the new phrases and etiquette (or lack of) that go along with this paradigm: It just seems so silly that we’ve made them so important!

I wasn’t alone, The Boston Globe published an article about our societal elevation of dogs over people on the very same day! I think The Globe made the dog owners look even more obnoxious than I ever could–but that’s because they were being quoted…uh oh, here comes some more hate mail…

Well I’m sure you can see where this is going. I got a HUGE response from what I posted. It was like my best day ever! which I thought was great until I started going through the responses…

As the author of this blog I approve, trash or spam what comes in. I put the positive comments at the end of the original post. There’s all of one.
I considered trashing the negative comments until I realized how many there were and decided to make another commentary about how insane people are about dogs. You can’t say anything bad about them! It’s like Obama’s first year in office, one bad comment and your career is kaput!

Well I hope my career isn’t over and I hope all two of my loyal followers find these as funny as I did. I’ve changed the names of those who responded in a less than positive way to my dog bashing, but honestly, everything else is as I received it:

From Angry Brian
“You have never known what it’s like to have a dog love you and you don’t deserve to. A dog is the best companion to Man and thats why where I go my dog goes to.”
Something tells me, Angry Brian, that there’s no Mrs. Angry Brian?

From Praying Sue
“My dog Pepper is like my child. She keeps me Company and she knows Everything I tell her. I Pray that God lets her live a Good long life. I Pray for you that you stop hating dogs.”
Sue I don’t hate dogs, I have two of them! When did I ever say I hated dogs? After praying for Pepper’s unending life, why don’t you pray for world peace or the end of news stories about Lindsay Lohan?

From Texting While Driving
“U sux! i no 4 a fact that dogs help ppl live longer lives!”
Only if you stop texting while driving.

From Scary Kevin
“If you hate your dogs so much you better not sleep. Dogs understand when people don’t like them and they act to protect themselves.”
Thanks for the warning Scary Kevin, I’ll sleep with one eye on the murderous terriers from now on…you don’t really know where I live, do you Scary Kevin?

From I-was-stoned-for-every-high-school-English-class
“your dog face is better then you face.”
On one hand, one of my dogs has a cute face and you’re probably right. On the other hand, all my dogs say is “Bark, bark, bark-bark-bark” and their English is better than yours.

From Ramblin’ Guy
“Hi. I have a dog and he’s great. He keeps me company and stops my bad moods and he does funny things that make me laugh. He likes other people and other dogs so everyone likes him. So when you act like everyone shouldn’t like dogs or they shouldn’t go places just because they are dogs its disrespectful. I had a cat that was like a person too it ran away or got hit by a car or something but my cat was like a person too….”(it went on for almost a page)
Ramblin Guy, you are waaaaaaaaay overdue for your Ritalin.

There were a few more recommending I have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails for not loving dogs more than people and one woman invited my two bad dogs to a nice party but the invitation specifically did not include me. Ouch.

There were even more responses that got filtered into SPAM by wordpress and the only reason that intrigued me is because one was from “ed”. See, “ed” and I have a history…I kind of bashed him twice for his creepy, out-of-context poem when I responded to an awesome post by Colt Monday. Seeing “ed” in the SPAM folder made me wonder if he wrote a dark and creepy poem about me hating dogs but I didn’t dare click on any SPAM–in the past it was like opening the firey gates of hell and releasing the computer viruses!! (In a Liam Neeson “Release the Kraaken!” voice)–so I’ll just have to leave that one of the wonders of my world.

I’ll end this with a few things:
–I have two bad dogs that I love but would never take to a social gathering where dogs do not belong,
–I’m happy to have more interested followers (hope they’re not all h8ers–oh wow! it’s really fun to text and drive!)
–I’m not going to read any more replies about me hating dogs because it’s kind of unnerving
–and finally, after a bit more thought, I don’t think I actually want to know if “ed” wrote a poem especially for me. He is one creepy “ed”.

Party dogs await invitation

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About EF Sweetman

bees, baseball, beverly, ma, culture, manners, society, writing
This entry was posted in 1, Blogroll, cautionary tales, Dog Snub, Dogs, essay, family, Observations, pets and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Mail for Fido

  1. Paul Wilmot says:

    Th ASPCA requests a higher monthly contribution to “save ” abused animals, than the Feed The Children campaign does to support a child stricken with poverty.

  2. Sinman says:

    Liz, You rock!! That article in the Globe made me want to barf!! Your dogs do not need to go everywhere, all the time and you know it. Other people are too stupid. Are you doing the duathalon? How about Dan? Need a ride?

    • sweetman says:

      Working tomorrow Glenn 😦 …but I’d never finish if I did–bigger 😦
      I know, wasn’t that Globe article so obnoxious?? And then they had a picture of a dog sleeping on a food table on the Rose Kennedy greenway–eeewww. People are too crazy about these dumb dogs.
      Good luck tomorrow!

  3. redriverpak says:

    Looks like Fido also has a small Beer problem… 🙂

    • sweetman says:

      Fido (and his owners) just needs a little eye opener, something to get through the mail and a night cap for sound sleep. You think that’s a problem, huh? HUH!!!
      (sorry, Fido’s in his angry drunk phase of the day)
      Cheers!

  4. bostongraf says:

    Found your site from your boston.com comment about the dog on the table. I, too, am a dog owner that thinks people get way too out of control.

    Nice blog. I like your writing style. Hope to see some good pieces soon.

  5. Walker says:

    oh my.. how funny, I tend to post the negative comments. it lets my regular readers see what’s going on and it brings me the ‘sympathy’ vote sometimes… I’m always nice with my reply though I might want to do something vicious in reality!!!!
    Tomorrow on my blog, http://delicacies.wordpress.com, I’m actually going to write a post featuring the worst but funniest spam I’ve ever gotten and posting the spammer’s email.. Heck,he invaded me I’m just returning the favor.

    • sweetman says:

      Sympathy vote…I should have thought of that!
      I was just so amazed that this generated the hail or negative comments!
      Thanks for your comments, I look forward to reading tomorrow!
      Cheers

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