“how do porn-twits find me?”

EFSweetman
how do porn-twits find me? my Twitter post 1/6/2010 6:58 a.m.

Desparately trying to find the best way to express myself. I am an old writer, I believe in paper, I wish I had a Hermes portable typewriter (well I’m sure I really don’t but I think I do). I use a pen to write in my notebook journal, I love holding my writing in my hands–it’s here, it exists, I did this.
Well that’s nice but it’s glaringly obvious to me that there will be no literary future in the embracing of ancient ways, it’s all electronic. It’s all out there not in here. It’s fine to have it here, it just goes no where which doesn’t seem to be my desire.
I want to be read, I want my stories and essays to go somewhere all of a sudden. I believe what I have to say is worthy of something, not just sitting in journals, in notebooks or in word files on my computer.
This desire is most likely a small response to all that I am reading that is out there and it’s sometimes not that good. I think I can do better from my lofty perch of anonymity. Oh, sure! I can write better than that stuff! So the next logical thought is Then do it, you haughty wannabe writer thug!
So I tried blogging, I started several blogs over the years but they got ignored after one or two entries. I’ve sent stories to magazine and literary reviews, first postal service, then via e-mail. No takers, some responses which were very informational when I got over the hurt of rejection (several years later–I am not kidding). Then I got onto this blog. It’s been more successful for me, I’ve stuck with it and have been making a good deal more entries as of late and I think it’s because I’m becoming more comfortable with this forum–it’s out there for me.
Encouraged by my…well I can’t say success but is it really lack of failure? Well anyway, encouraged, I decided to try Twitter. People were talking about it, there was a new lingo with “tweets” and “tweeting”. It was all the rage on the NPR radio programs: “Follow us on Twitter!”
So I went to Twitter and became completely confused. 140 characters or less. All right. Set up a profile. Sure no problem. Who are you going to follow? Who the hell should I follow? What do I do now? Search for people Okay but that feels a little stalker-creepy. I didn’t know anyone personally on Twitter. I did some group searches and typed in the programs I was interested in and my screen filled with about a million of these nonsense messages with #s and links. Ahhh, I get it now! Obviously it takes me about 3 weeks longer to figure out the intricacies of intuitive messaging than the two minutes it takes a 20 year-old with a smart phone.
So I tried “tweeting”, posting 140 characters or less sometimes up to 3 times in one day, but truthfully, I barely checked in once a week. Twitter didn’t do it for me. It’s the forum for abbreviations, bad grammar, stupid writing with letters like “omg, ibntfbtsomb!!!” which means “Gracious! I left my facebook page open and my mother read about my night of passion with Raoul!” or something like that.
What was interesting was that I’d get these notices that I was being followed on Twitter. Followed eh? Then I read in the Twitter definition column (which was reassuring to me that it was there, I’m not the only idiot poser on the site) that it’s good to have followers and you want your ratio of followers to be greater than those you are following. Ahhh, I have to have a Twitter posse that is larger than the three groups (and the baseball catcher who tweeted once since I began following him over a year ago). Hey! wait a second! This definitions column is just made-up, mashed-up words with “tweet” imbedded in them! It’s to saturate our already saturated brains with Twitter! How diabolical. But it was reassuring to me, I had a number of followers that was a Twitter accepted ratio greater than who I was following.
Weeks went by, Twitter left my consciousness, I was anti-tweeting, trying to write longer, more grammatically correct sentences with real words and having small successes with my writing and blogging. I was focused and researching, reviewing and gathering information, all tasks that were more daunting and involved than piping out what I was doing in 140 characters or less.
Then just after Christmas I popped in on my Twitter page and found out I had 12 new followers! Wow! I am completely blowing that ratio out of the water! Curious to know my posse better, I clicked on those who were following me. They weren’t anyone I knew and I had some hesitation about “Lucky Lix 2391”. As you might imagine, Ms. Lucky Lix 2391 is a dirty girl. She had a rather shocking picture on her profile and her tweet about her last encouter was easily understood and graphic. Not bad for 140 characters or less, Ms. Lix. So I clicked on Jessie. She must have been a friend of Lucky Lix 2391. So was Pearly1987, Sasha, Berry362434, SoniaBlue, Harlowe9999, JessicaCnt, SallyFriend89, SnooksieW and AngelEyes85. Good grief, I had a posse of hookers!
I blocked them all, it was the easiest thing to do while I wonder how the heck they found me and decided to follow me en masse. This is the very thing that disturbs me about putting it all out there. I have no control over what I value when I post it and I want more for what I do than to be followed by a bunch of horney girls who will probably have some porn regret when they get out of their twenties.
After I blocked my porn posse, I tweeted, “how do porn-twits find me?” I looked at it and thought that was a really great post and I invented a new mashed up word! Before Twitter could put it in their lexicon (which I don’t think they will, the site strikes me as wanting to be wholesome and fun and would deny ever having a porn posse roving about) I submitted “porn-twit” to Urban Dictionary.
Porn-twit: one who texts their porn or sexual activities on Twitter in 140 characters or less
Example: Jessica is a porn-twit. She was posting on Twitter while in a 3-way.
Guess what? It was accepted with a pleasant note of approval! I am getting out there.

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About EF Sweetman

bees, baseball, beverly, ma, culture, manners, society, writing
This entry was posted in 1, Blogroll, cautionary tales, essay, Observations, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to “how do porn-twits find me?”

  1. opoetoo says:

    Tweet tweet is a siren song?
    I love wordpress ,good folks and the power to mute (never used it).

    Really enjoy your input on “Stories without words”

    peace

  2. sweetman says:

    I think it was a disco/post disco song, yes…
    Thanks for your comments, I am really loving wordpress too. It’s got a great feel and terrific writers–you are included, great poems!

  3. I am enjoying reading your inputs in “Stories without words” too.
    You are truly imaginative .
    Take care now.
    hugs,
    shakira

    • sweetman says:

      Thank you shakira! I am enjoying wordpress very much—reading insightful and excellent writing. It’s great to meet such good people in this forum. Isn’t “Stories without words” fun? Thank you again, all the best, sweetman

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