2014 New Year’s Resolution? All Set!

Hot Pants are the new black in 2014!

Hot Pants are the New Black for the New Year! Yes, that’s the 2014 me!

Ahh, winding down on the close of the old year. Christmas is done and now is the time to look to the future. Resolutions and good intentions were my thoughts as I plunked myself in front of my computer. Lucky for me, my Facebook newsfeed cracked any  New Year’s resolution dilemmas I might face this year thanks to this:

Zaggora slimwear! Slimming Hot Pants that burn calories for you by using your body heat! Get 30% off today with coupon SLIM30!

Zaggora slimwear! Slimming Hot Pants that burn calories for you by using your body heat! Get 30% off today with coupon SLIM30!

Okay. Deep breath. Hot pants, burn calories and 30% off? Oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God!!!! This is almost too good to be true! Could it be that Hot Pants are coming back and they are actually going to make me burn calories instead of shaming my stumpy thighs?

I think I fainted.

I am a child of the Seventies. Hot Pants were Hot. There wasn’t any such thing a Daisy Dukes (honestly, that woman was a hayseed who rolled out of  a barn loft while making out with her Uncle Cousin and landed on her head). No, no, no, Hot Pants were the rage. The ultimate contradiction because there was absolutely no pants to them at all! They were in  Teen Beat and Seventeen magazine, winter or summer. Cool girls wore them under frumpy skirts, ditched the skirt on the way to school and tried to not get sent to the principle’s office for wearing something barely legal in public. They were the subject of almost every joke on Laugh In, Flip Wilson, and Sonny and Cher. Nair’s “Who wears short-shorts” commercial came out in the 1970s. I can’t tell you how excited I am that my fashion dream is making a come-back and will help me burn calories. And save 30%!

So no dreary declarations of less chocolate, cookies and crap in 2014. I am looking forward to stepping out in ensembles like these. I will accessorize each outfit, especially if a drum majorette hat and baton are required:

Majorette Hot Pants--major babe I think!

Majorette Hot Pants–major babe I think!

I won’t even care if my hat looks like a perfectly popped Jiffy Pop popcorn pan because everything looks good with Hot Pants.

Horizontal stripes never looked so awesome.

Horizontal stripes never looked so awesome.

OF COURSE I will have the Hot Pants bicycle outfit. With suede boots. Note to self: Why have I never worn suede boots while riding my bike before??? No, I won’t forget that racy midi-top. Hmmm…those slimming hot pants better burn some major calories or I might have some trouble with this little number.

I am a hot pants, cool bicycle girl!

I am a hot pants, cool bicycle girl!

Now you must be aware that Hot Pants are more than just skimpy shorts. Most of the deal with wearing them is attitude. You can’t pull off Hot Pants (ooops!) unless you have Hot Pants Charisma.

I’ll bet you a paisley velvet pair that I’ll discover that I can’t walk around wearing them them unless I’m swinging my hair and snapping my fingers. It’s the Hot Pants allure.

Just walkin' in my Hot Pants and snappin' my fingers.

Just walkin’ in my Hot Pants and snappin’ my fingers.

It’s a kind of lifestyle that needs to be practiced otherwise it looks a bit awkward.

ooh, that's a little awkward.

ooh, that needs a little work.

I am so happy Hot Pants are making a big come-back in 2014. Part of their magic is they make all of you look really, really great.

Wow, who knew Hot Pants could make the rest of me look so DY-NO-MIIIIIIIITE!

Wow, who knew Hot Pants could make the rest of me look so DY-NO-MIIIIIIIITE!

About EF Sweetman

bees, baseball, beverly, ma, culture, manners, society, writing
This entry was posted in Fashion, humor, Observations, photos, society and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 2014 New Year’s Resolution? All Set!

  1. Dalia says:

    I wasn’t around in the Seventies, but I was around in 2004-ish when the Hot Pant was the thing last time. But alas, though I was a fairly skinny teen I did not have the hotpants-attitude then. Now I am curvy, my legs are not as pretty anymore and I am nearing thirty, but now I might have the attitude. WHAT DO I DO? Oh, look there is an ad for calorie burning hotpants… :-P

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